I am a proponent of resolving divorce and other family matters by way of mediation, especially if you have children. These are my thoughts on how mediation can benefit you and why it is so important. However, there are individual and unique circumstances that require litigation, as we are all entitled to have our issues heard by a Court. I will discuss some of those situations later. Today we discuss the beauty of mediation!

Salvaging a
relationship with the other parent of your child(ren)

Usually I see cost of litigation savings listed as the first benefit when I read these lists, however, I think the critical benefit to resolving divorce and paternity matters in mediation is damage control to the relationship between the parties. Whether it is a divorce or paternity action, you have already been through so much (i.e.: the actual cause of the breakdown of the relationship, therapy, arguing, fighting, crying, pain of ending the relationship, the emotional, physical and financial separation, handling your children through this process). Mediation can give you the opportunity to heal some of those wounds, come to a mutual understanding on some things, even if it’s not perfect and it allows you to move forward, especially if you have children.

The alternative is that if you litigate the matter fully, you will continue to tear each other apart, dig into financial and personal matters, drag the litigation on, bring in witnesses and other evidence, take depositions and continue to perpetuate the anger and hate and possibly cause damage to one another in the community or in your field of employment. These are usually things that are difficult to recover from. A lengthy litigation process is usually the “last straw” that takes down the
relationship and even once you receive a final ruling from a Court it often leaves you both in a similar position to where you would have been in mediation and you will be left with the hate and possibly irreparable damage to the relationship. You have to be able to talk to this person in the future about your daughter’s first boyfriend and safe sex. You have to be able to talk to this person about your son’s first car and his curfew. You have to be able to talk to this person about medical issues with your children throughout their life. From my experience, if you do not make an effort to get along with this person, you will be in for many years of heartache, disappointment and arguing.
In mediation, when it comes to children, it is not about “winning”, it is not about “who is right”, it’s about what is best for your child(ren).

Keeping the
cost of litigation down

I list this as the second benefit of resolving your issues in mediation because it can affect many
things. First, saving money when you are going through this process is critical. Because of your new financial circumstances and the physical separation of bills and money that goes on, you now have to re-adjust to one income. If you have children this can be especially difficult. You first have
to identify 1) what is the issue that I don’t think we can resolve in mediation? 2) What am I likely to receive from the Court that will benefit me opposed to what we are talking about agreeing to now? and 3) IS IT WORTH IT TO PAY ATTORNEYS FEES AND COSTS TO GET WHAT I AM SEEKING FROM THE JUDGE? Sometimes when you do the math, you will find it is a wash. In other words, if you are in disagreement over $10,000.00 and you will incur that in fees and costs to
litigate the matter, then there is simply no point in litigating. You must resolve it in mediation.

Sometimes you might find that it is a non-monetary issue. For example, if you are arguing over how many overnights each of you have with your children or if there are relocation or schooling issues, you truly have to weight how important these things are to you versus what a Court might grant you and more importantly against your quality of life and the quality of the life of your children, should you continue to litigate and deplete your savings or incur unnecessary debt. I often see people get very caught up in a specific detail they are demanding. I have often heard
people tell me later on that they no longer even care about that particular thing and they wish they hadn’t got caught up with it. Sometimes people take positions because they are hurt, don’t want to lose or because at the time they think it is the right thing. This is why it is critical to have an attorney by your side to help you objectively weigh your options.

 Opportunity to
discover positions and information

This is why mediation is NEVER a complete waste. If all else fails, mediation is a great opportunity to learn the other persons positions, thoughts and most important – their motivations. Though most everything in mediation is confidential and you cannot use it against the other person, per se, it does give you an understanding of what you are facing moving forward and possibly their position in the litigation. Knowing and understanding what is important to the other person puts you a better position, both to negotiate and to litigate. Also, mediation often opens up the lines of communication between the parties, so that even if everything is not resolved on that day, you can begin to discuss settlement or work towards a resolution in the future.

Avoiding
Lengthy Litigation and Preserving Quality of Life

I come across many people who sometimes decide that life is too short to fight over “things” and they simply want to move forward. They want to take the power away from the situation, the
other person, the Judge and the lawyers and they simply want it resolved even if they have to make heavy compromises to do it. Again, this is another reason why you really need an attorney acting as your advocate throughout the litigation and mediation process, so you have someone there to make sure you don’t give up and give everything away just because you are exhausted! However, for those who are able, they will resolve it in mediation, just to salvage their own sanity and quality of life. Talk to anyone who has fully litigated a family matter through trial. It is an extremely stressful and exhausting process for both parties.

*No statements in this blog should be construed as legal advice. If you have an individual question specific to your circumstances you must consult with a lawyer of your choosing for legal advice.

I hope this blog will be a place where you can get a fresh perspective on any family matter you or your friends are dealing with. I may even try to give you a laugh. Sometimes parties get caught up in the details, but it is always important for you and your children to keep in mind the big picture and what is truly important. I hope this can be a source for local information, other important family related websites and my thoughts on some of the issues I come across on a regular basis. None of the
information posted in the blog should be considered legal advice, as each and every individual’s circumstances are unique and distinct, so the only way I can give you legal advice is after speaking to you and learning the specifics of your situation. You can also find more information about my services at www.andreajohnsonlaw.com.

Here are some suggestions for your first post.

1. You can find new ideas for what to blog about by reading the Daily Post.
2. Add PressThis to your browser. It creates a new blog post for you about any interesting  page you read on the web.
3. Make some changes to this page, and then hit preview on the right. You can always preview any post or edit it before you share it to the world.